Thursday, September 3, 2009

The One Where I Admit That I've Been Kind of a Mess

I don't "do" change. I kind of actually hate it. I know that it can be good and necessary and blah blah blah...but it's always just awkward and icky. So while I know that the change to New U. is good for me...I'm just not liking this transitional period at all.

I don't make friends well. When I know someone, I'm outrageous and blunt and sarcastic and possibly annoying. When I don't, I'm shy and awkward and have a tendency to stare. (Like maybe if I stare hard enough, I can get into this person's brain and make them like me.)

Now I'm only here for about a year. But I do not want to spend that year locked in my apartment with no freakin' friends. Boo hiss.

So I'm trying to branch out a bit.  I'm actually pretty good at making "class friends." You know, the ones you always group up with and borrow notes from or whatever. I just find it incredibly weird to be the one to initiate hanging out. Even if it's completely unreasonable, I feel like "Hey, wanna go grab a cup of coffee?" should always be followed by *wink, wink*.

Through this trying I've had a bit of a breakdown. Okay, so actually I had a huge-ass breakdown and called my mommy and balled and then whined to Fiance about how he's got a meet-new-people system essentially set up for him and I've just been hurled into a group of people who have already, well, grouped.

But I'm working on it, y'all. And maybe next time I have a breakdown I'll blog about it instead of hiding under the covers with my teddy bear and a Fiance-scented t-shirt. Maybe.


Unknown said...

I totally know the feeling! I moved colleges a lot and now I am married to an Air Force guy (which involves moving to a new base every few years). It can be really hard. Keep at it and just be yourself. Maybe you can find some group or activity that you like to do and will help you connect! I will be praying for you!

Lauren @ A Brooklyn Party said...

This sounds exactly like me - I totally know the feeling. I try and tell myself to JUST DO IT MAKE FRIENDS, but I always get a little paralyzed. Sigh

Juliet Grossman said...

Bear with it. Sounds like you are very self-aware and you are GROWING through even hard experiences. Big hugs to you!

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog on my Sits Day last week:-)