I've Lost My Muse

..which is a total bunch of crap, I know. But really I have. I have drafts saved that are even worse than my typical bunches of ramblings. My brain is going down the tube, y'all. It's from BS'ing all those papers, I bet. Just sucking me dry. So instead of a wordy(-er) post, I will leave you with this:

(taken by me)

One Word Answers...Really

My awesome friend over at Red Boots tagged me in this, which is good, because it made me feel special & also it gave me something to write about, as I'm having a bit of blogger's block. Go visit her, she rocks.

And let me just say that this just about killed me to do. I was having conversations with myself. ("No, don't add an explanation, it's supposed to be one word.")


1. Where is your cell phone? Nightstand
2. Your hair? Eek.
3. Your mother? Artsy
4. Your father? Silly
5. Your favorite food? Ribs
6. Your dream last night? Strange
7. Your favorite drink? Milk
8. Your dream/goal? Accomplishment
9. What room are you in? Bedroom
10. Your hobby? Scrapbooking
11. Your fear? Boredom
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Content
13. Where were you last night? Homework
14. Something that you aren’t? Tall
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. Wish list item? Degree
17. Where did you grow up? Midwest
18. Last thing you did? Coffee
19. What are you wearing? Pajamas
20. Your TV? Small
21. Your pets? Furry
22. Friends? Few
23. Your life? Crazy
24. Your mood? Anticipatory
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Vehicle? Broken
27. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
28. Your favorite store? Sale
29. Your favorite color? Teal
30. When was the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Week
32. Your best friend? Boy
33. One place that I go to over and over? Class
34. One person who emails me regularly? 20sb?
35. Favorite place to eat? Family

I may tag people later, but I kind of have two papers to write...

The One Where I Sound Like My Grandmother

"The researchers also found that 28% of the 12-year-olds reported drinking with their friends at least sometimes..."

This is what I come across while trying to be a good student. Reading along in my Abnormal Psych book (by David H. Barlow & V. Mark Durand, to cover my butt...) and that jumps out. We're not even to the abnormal stuff. We're just talking about methods of research. And apparently delinquent preteens.

Twenty-eight percent? Really? Where are their parents? The most I ever had to drink in high school was 1/3 of a Kahlua Mudslide. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the only drink I had in high school. Are these kids really that bored? What happened to four square? Kickball? The freaking tire swings? Read a damn Harry Potter book!

I may have been a goody-two-shoes, but couldn't they at least wait until the word "teen" was in their age? Am I ridiculously naive or are y'all as baffled as I am? Gonna have to put a freaking padlock on the fridge when I have kids...

In Case You've Ever Wondered Where I Get It...

Email from my Dad's coworker to dad/many other coworkers, forwarded by Dad to me & my sister:

Saturday is national Talk-Like-A-Pirate day.

It would be ok if you honored the day tomorrow (Fri).

Have a nice weekend.

With the included message:

Because I knew you’d want to be aware…!  We’ll be talking.  -Dad

Me to Dad:

 This is the kind of stuff you do at work?!

Dad to Me:

Aye, Lass! The day be an honored tradition amongst the lads. ‘Tis important to pay attention lest there be unrest in the galley or mutiny on the poop deck.  Arggh! 

Engineers... 

Return of the Caution Tape (cue music from Jaws)

The evil backhoes and bitching men are back. Remember this? Except they're starting earlier in the morning. Like 7, 7:30. Which okay,  I know is not that early. But when I can sleep until 10:30am (and plan my bedtime accordingly) it is not enjoyable to be yanked out of sweet slumber by terrible noises of destruction.

(Although I have to say, I did not mind it quite so much yesterday morning, because the vicious awakening saved me from the dream I was having about JTT being a rapist/serial killer and coming after me. It was terrifying, y'all. This is not funny shit.)

Anyway, I'm just saying, it would at least be nice to know what on earth they are doing out there and if they could maybe be so kind as to staple a warning message to the building announcement board. I mean, really. We're trying to freaking learn here.

On the bright side, I am feeling much better after last night's Magic Juice infusion, also known as 2 liters of saline IV.  Thank you, POTS, for making it impossible to enjoy some flipping sunshine without my body being sucked dry of fluid. (For the record, I wore sunscreen and a hat and drank about a gallon of Powerade after the game, but apparently POTS doesn't like the blue kind.)

I realize that this sounds like a big whinefest, but I really am in a good mood today. Except now I have to be productive.  Hmm...

My Brain Won't Stick to One Topic

My random thoughts of the day in no particular order. Enjoy. Or don't. It's one of those nights that makes me long for morning so I can have an entire pot of some coffee, so I'm not going to be picky.

• I am totally bummed about Patrick Swayze. But at least the pain is gone. (Note: It kind of drives me crazy when a celeb dies and people who never met that person completely lose it like they were best friends. But a life is gone, so I understand being sad. Right now, I'm sad.)
  

• This sunburn is either going to kill me or send me to the loony bin. There is no positive option. Also, the only place I'm really peeling is above my lip, which kind of makes me look like I have a mustache. Awesome.

• That brown sugar face mask was a fun idea, except now I can't get the sticky feeling off of my face and I'm craving baked goods.

• Screw growing my hair out for the wedding. It's driving me nuts, so I'm chopping it off. Not myself, obviously. That would be disastrous. 

•  I think I am going to go to bed early because I am crabby and I don't like it. Or maybe I'll watch Dirty Dancing and ball my eyes out cry a little.
  

Leave me a comment to cheer me up?

I'll Still Love Football When My Skin Starts to Peel

Weekend with Fiance was amazing. We watched his University football team play on Saturday (at the stadium - I am sunburnt beyond belief.) Today we watched some good 'ole NFL.

Here's a precious moment from today:

(Fiance & I are both wearing our team's football jerseys.)
Fiance's Roommate: Big game today?
Me: It's the first game of the season.
Him: Basketball?
*crickets*

He was not even kidding. I don't think I can be friends with him.

Eight Years

8th grade, history class, row by the window, second seat from the front. I wore the plaid skirt that used to be my mom's.

I remember.

Do you?

Aha!

Dear Blogger,

That was fast. I love you.

Meg

Excuse Me?!

Dear Blogger,

Please re-find all the blogs that I am following. I spent a good amount of time (er, way too much time) putting together that list and you lost it, so you damn well better find it (please). Be glad that I can find them all in my Google reader, or you would be suffering the wrath of my serious withdrawal.

Meg

Tada!

I did it! I have successfully switched to 3 columns. Thank you all for your help, as I was completely clueless. I'm so proud of myself. Messing with html and all. This was a much better use for my time than homework. So, what do you think? Does it look too cluttered? I ain't changin' back after all that work, but I could move some stuff around if that is the consensus. So?

I Woke Up On The Wrong Side of The Alarm

I never understood that wrong side of the bed crap. But I woke up before my alarm and not after it, which is definitely the wrong side.

This is another one of those times where I wish I had a sound recording to pair with this.

I woke up to this buzzing sound. And by "woke up" I mean I went from a state of sleeping to that state where you're not really awake and not really asleep and your favorite word is "Uuunnnggggg."

So in the process of figuring out where the sound is coming from I check my alarm, no. Ceiling fan? (shut up, I told you I was out of it) no. Some annoying bug? Um, no, too angry. So then I look out my peephole (of the door to the apartment, nothing gross) and I see flashing lights. So I grab my keys and a robe and a pair of flipflops which I don't bother putting on because I don't think I have the coordination yet.

And then I stepped into the hallway. And thought that I was dying.

What is apparently the fire alarm is SO LOUD that I actually considered staying in my apartment. Burning to death isn't so bad, right? (Besides, it was a false alarm. Someone should be beaten about the head and face.)

But whatever, I went outside and came back in and I was so thrown off by it all that after I made my coffee I reached into the fridge and grabbed milk instead of the creamer and dumped a pretty big splash in and then I was like, Well that wasn't what I wanted to do, but I'm drinking it anyway because it is caffeine and I'm not supposed to be awake yet and that sound was intense enough that I think I now have a borderline migraine.

Really I only wrote this so I could whine about my coffee mistake. It just doesn't make a very good story on its own.

Change...Again

I changed my blog background because until I absolutely have no choice I refuse to believe that terrible, depressing Winter is on it's way, and my previous background was looking a little bit too autumn-y for my liking.

But here's a question:

How in the HECK do you adjust the stupid template so you can put things on BOTH sides of your blog text? Anyone? Anyone? This is driving me freaking nuts.

Back Soon

Off to visit the sister. I'll leave you with this happy picture. (Yes, momma, that's your front yard.)

The One Where I Admit That I've Been Kind of a Mess

I don't "do" change. I kind of actually hate it. I know that it can be good and necessary and blah blah blah...but it's always just awkward and icky. So while I know that the change to New U. is good for me...I'm just not liking this transitional period at all.

I don't make friends well. When I know someone, I'm outrageous and blunt and sarcastic and possibly annoying. When I don't, I'm shy and awkward and have a tendency to stare. (Like maybe if I stare hard enough, I can get into this person's brain and make them like me.)

Now I'm only here for about a year. But I do not want to spend that year locked in my apartment with no freakin' friends. Boo hiss.

So I'm trying to branch out a bit.  I'm actually pretty good at making "class friends." You know, the ones you always group up with and borrow notes from or whatever. I just find it incredibly weird to be the one to initiate hanging out. Even if it's completely unreasonable, I feel like "Hey, wanna go grab a cup of coffee?" should always be followed by *wink, wink*.

Through this trying I've had a bit of a breakdown. Okay, so actually I had a huge-ass breakdown and called my mommy and balled and then whined to Fiance about how he's got a meet-new-people system essentially set up for him and I've just been hurled into a group of people who have already, well, grouped.

But I'm working on it, y'all. And maybe next time I have a breakdown I'll blog about it instead of hiding under the covers with my teddy bear and a Fiance-scented t-shirt. Maybe.

Because It's Better To Be Aware

September 14-20 is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. I'm a little early, but this really grabbed my attention, and I wanted to share my answers with y'all.



30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Meaning that my autonomic nervous system is essentially broken. If you don't know what your autonomic nervous system does, think of all the things your body does without you having to tell it to do them. That's it. The malfunction means I often pass out.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2006

3. But I had symptoms since: About when I started puberty.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Not doing whatever I want to do. I have to ration my energy. If there are a handful of things I want to do in a given day/week, I can pick one, maybe two of them without making myself sick.

5. Most people assume: That if I look fine, I feel fine.

6. The hardest part about mornings is: Getting upright. My body does not like mornings.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: House, MD, because as unrealistic as it is, I wish a doctor had been that blunt with me and would have tried that hard to figure it all out.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My laptop. It's how I connect with people "like me."

9. The hardest part about nights are: Falling asleep, and knowing that when I wake up in the morning, I won't feel rested.

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please) 18, I think.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: See a chiropractor regularly, if that counts. I haven't tried much, but I'd be willing to try just about anything if my specialist recommended it.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I have this one for a reason, even if God's not telling.

13. Regarding working and career: I'm a full time college student, but I've made myself pretty sick a few times trying to keep up with the pace. I would be in trouble without a disability plan, and I transferred recently to get away from people who just didn't get the invisible part.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I am always in pain. Always, as in, it doesn't go away. So when I say I'm in pain, it means, more pain than usual.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that some people won't accept that I have a different reality. Some people will never understand, and some people will just walk out.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Graduate from high school and get this far through college.

17. The commercials about my illness: Don't exist. It was on Mystery Diagnosis once (kind of accurately)

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: colorguard. No holding the arms above the head. Makes passing out more likely.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Friends.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Scrapbooking.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Pick up a flag and dance. Go out with my Fiance. Be spontaneous.

22. My illness has taught me: that sometimes even family doesn't understand.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "You look fine to me." or "Just get up and do it."

24. But I love it when people: Sacrifice some of their own "normal" to sit with me when my only choice is to be in bed.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." -The Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Until you find the right doctor, sometimes you have to do your own research. Remember you're not alone, even if you haven't found support yet. You will.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that while some people could not care less, some people care more than you'll ever know.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: So many things...

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I want to do my part to make sure other people are not treated the way I have been treated.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: happy that I informed someone, happy that someone cared enough to read this whole thing.


Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at www.invisibleillness.com