Ewwww

At first, I thought morphine was my friend. It made me feel a little bit loopy and kind of made me feel like I was on Jupiter (because of the increased gravity, duh) but other than that it just made the pain go away. And then we got in the car to go home. And I somehow managed to shoot vomit at my mother's windshield, but not before passing out. So I actually don't remember any of the vomiting and when I came to and mom said "You threw up" I said "No, I didn't" and then we got home and the car light came on. So glad I decided to toss that white sweatshirt over my lap like a blanket. Awesome.

(Reason for morphine: abdominal pain last night that apparently was nothing other than maybe my gall bladder being angry or maybe the flu. Either way they drugged me and we got home around 5am. And now I have morphine hangover, massive headache included. More awesome.)

Speaking of Which...

My brother's redneck of the day calendar says " You might be a redneck if you've ever overdosed on girl scout cookies." Seriously? Is there anyone who HASN'T done this? Anyone? Anyone?

Nothin' Like Chasin' Crime to Cheer a Girl Up

If you drive drunk, my daddy will call the cops on you. Then he will follow you (for freaking forever) until the cops find you, and wait to make sure they actually pull you over. Then he will turn on the radio in his truck and listen to the cops talk (in cop language that I don't understand) about what to do with your car. Then he will buy me Starbucks. (Er, we were on a coffee run. At 10:30 at night. Don't judge.) And then he will drive back the same way we came just to see what's going on (aka, your car being searched). All because his daughter is a coffee addict and was moody and didn't feel like driving herself to the gas station for a caffeine fix.

Dad: "Suppose it would be wrong to roll down the window and yell 'neener, neener' at 'em?"

P.S. My daddy also chases storms. Yeah.

Weekend?

I might be more excited about the weekend if I wasn't about to go take an exam and then come home to begin studying my bum off for another exam on Monday that I haven't even finished all the reading for.

Just sayin'.

My Evening in a Nutshell...

You know your Fiance loves you when you start to have a panic attack about reception sites/prices and instead of being irritated he puts you in the car and drives you to the liquor store and then buys you hard cider even though you spend the whole time in the car on a conference call for work and so instead of stopping the panic attack, you kind of freak out more and then when you get home he pours you some cider and sits down and watches two episodes of Gilmore Girls with you back-to-back and doesn't complain once.

That's possibly the longest not-sentence I've ever written.

P.S. Sorry about the monkey thing. I get something in my head and I have to get it out somehow.

Just thought you should know...

...that chimpanzees eat monkeys. and it's disgusting. How do I know? A video for class of course. yuck. This is super disturbing. I'm sitting in a church for crying out loud.

On a lighter note, the second bridesmaid's dress is in. Woot! I'm so excited. I love those dresses. Eeh! Excitement. If only we could find a reception hall that won't make me feel claustrophobic. I need space people!

We pretty much have internet back at home, btw, so I'm hoping to be blogging a bit more than I have been. I'm a blogging loser. My apologies. I spend my free time studying primates. ...yay.

So, right, I have to go back to being social. Fiance is here and I think it's going to be time for dinner soon.

Another One Bites the Dust

So I'm withdrawing from the stupid class. Because it's a communication class and I "can't make up the work" since the work is "interacting with my class mates" blah blah blah. But at least if I medically withdraw and give documentation from my dr I should get my (parents) money back and the withdrawal should be wiped from me record so it doesn't look like I'm a big fat slacker. Gah.

I am actually kind of relieved. Studying my butt off for one class is tiring enough. And I would kind of like to pretend I have a summer break. So I'll survive. And it's a 100 level class so it's not going to mess with my "on campus credits" or whatever that have to be 200 level or above.

College is stupid.

P.S. Fiance, you no longer have to worry about our engagement not being valid, as I am once again wearing my ring on my left hand.

I Might Care More About the Internet if I Could Stand Up

So I'm at my aunt's house to mooch internet because I communicate with my profs through e-mail and also because without periodic internet use I begin a slow death.

So, yeah, it's great that I'm getting my fix. Except I should be in class right now. But I'm not, because in the past two days I've passed out about 8 times. Awesome, right?

Also, I have the worst back spasm I can ever remember having (which probably doesn't mean much because I tend to block them all out of my mind when they finally end) and various other parts of my body have decided to cramp occasionally. Like my foot and my knee. Nothing about this is normal. Like just about everything else in my life.

So I'm kind of panicked. How on earth am I going to finish my degree if I can't even go to freaking summer class? Gah! I have to get married & work! I mean, I don't have to get married, but I want to get married and since I'm getting married I have to work. Which is what normal people do. It would be nice to be normal...

Sorry. I really am. I get these POTS flares and start panicking about essentially everything. I should calm down in a week or so...hopefully.

Oh my goodness. I'm probably scaring people away with this. I'd say I'm not usually this psychotic, but that would be a lie.

I really need to be working more. Might be helpful to stop passing out first. But seriously. I have no money and lots of debt. That doesn't have to be payed off this instant but student loans suck.

I'm not sure why I'm still talking.

P.S. I am wearing rainbow brite pajamas.

Gettin' the Heck Out of Dodge

And by "out of dodge" I mean that for the weekend, I am leaving my podunk little middle-of-nowhere town and staying with Fiance in his podunk little middle-of-nowhere town.

But, it will be a change. Even though I will be studying there since my graceful fall has meant I missed my exams yesterday. And I still have to explain my new lovely arm decoration to Fiance. And the ring on the right hand thing. But it's not a cast, just a big 'ol ace bandage. And the ring is temporary. No biggie.

I worry too much.

Off to pack and eat some pancakes. Yes, at noon.

See y'all Monday.

At Least It's Not Broken

If you could see my typing right now, you would probably laugh. Or, if you're like me, shove me away from the computer and start typing yourself because you can't stand it when people take eight hours to type a stupid blog post. Just do it already!

Right. So...

Anyway, I passed out last night. (on the way to pee. and I was out for a while and took a good long time to get up so I am quite thankful that I didn't wet myself...) Since I was, you know, unconscious, I don't know how exactly I landed on my hand/wrist/arm, but it did not feel good. Decided not to go to the ER last night because I didn't want to admit that I might have injured myself and also because everyone had been sleeping and nobody was awake enough to drive. So last night, ice. And engagement ring moved to right hand in case the left hand swelled up 6 times its normal size. No saws near the fingers, please.

Went to dr today, got X-rays, etc, nothing broken. Thankfully. Sprained though. So I hurt quite a bit and my wrist/hand are all wrapped up so that I don't have full use of my fingers. And typing actually hurts a bit, with the pushing down of the fingers and such.

But I wanted to share nonetheless because I like to share my fun life adventures and because I haven't posted anything of substance lately. I definitely just typed "stubstance." Did I mention my brain isn't quite working either?

There's No Point Until I Have Pants

I have a lot of anger and no place to put it. Except maybe here. And on my poor family. When all they do is take care of me.

So.

I. Feel. Pathetic. Since about, oh, 1:45pm-ish my legs haven't worked. For a while, they wouldn't move. At all. But for most of this time, they just won't bear weight. I did somehow make it to the bathroom on my own (one time) and on the way out collapsed & had to be rescued. Goody. I have been transported throughout the (downstairs portion) of the house in a wheeled office chair. This made me laugh, which is good, or I would have to cry.

Due to all of this...erm...crap...I missed my second day of classes. I MISSED MY SECOND DAY OF CLASSES. And now I feel stoopid. (With two "o"s) Because people are going to think I dropped the classes because I was scared of the workload or something, and yeah, my profs have the disability letters, but still. The second day of class? It's like I just want someone to carry me through life. And someone may have to if my legs don't start working agin. Really excited about sleeping on the couch tonight. It's like a slumber party. Alone. Or rather, with dogs.

And the pants? I needed help changing out of my jeans into pjs. Because I'm 3.

So even though it's pathetic and not at all attractive, I'm going to go have a bit of a pity party, because I am in a lot of pain and I can't get to the bathroom to pee on my own and I know a lot of people deal with this stuff every day but there's not really a physical reason for my legs to not work except that they hate me. (And that whole nervous system/blood flow thing...)

So I'm angry. POTS makes me angry. Sometimes my life makes me angry. And this is one of those days. Sometimes I deal by being stubborn. I fall on my face. Sometimes I deal by crying. Then I blow my nose for 64 hours. Right now I really can't deal with it, so I'm just going to be angry. At least for a little while.

But tomorrow's a new day. Right?